You sly little fox you. I was already well aware that I would NOT be winning any sort of Mother of the Year Award this year. You didn't need to go and shout it from the rooftops. Making sure I, and everyone else around me knew without a doubt just how lacking I can be.
I'm trying desperately to juggle it all. As you already know by my previous admission, I am not flourishing in the least bit. But today, I saw just how clearly my abilities were flawed.
Because of me, this happened.
Now keep in mind, before you run and report me- I am not saying I in any way did this to her. I simply mean, that I was not right at their side. I was close, but not close enough.
You know when you were kids and you always had this uncanny ability to know when your mom or dad would be coming into your room? Suddenly, just as you're about to try something you know in your mind and heart that you shouldn't, your pulse starts to race and you are faced with this 'Now or Never' rationalization. It may look a little something like this:
Well, I thought I still had a while until that day came for my Littles.
Oh how wrong I was.
I had just put the baby down for his morning nap (of course!) and was upstairs with the three amigos. They were all playing in Ava's room. For some reason they gravitate there and I am constantly pulling them out (they don't have any toys in there- they're all out in the bonus room right outside their door). This morning I was organizing some toys and happened to glance in right as I saw Vance shut the door.
Let me paint this picture for you:
It's 10am, everyone is still in their pjs (including yours truly) with no intentions to do otherwise. I am the only one cleaning up the plethora of toys covering the play room floor. I've tried everything I can think of to get them to help, but alas I'm at my breaking point and therefore while they're not looking, I am trying to put as much away as I can. That way when they actually do help, it won't take three days.
So seeing as it's too quiet- no one fighting, no one crying, I start to really pay attention to what they're saying (I can't see them at this point). I hear Kurt say, "Bubba. Climb with me. Let's turn on the fan". My thought process: "Ok. To turn on the fan, they have to step on the bed rail. Kurt will be fine, but I know I can't trust Bubba not to climb on top of the dresser". As I make my way closer to the open door, Ava says so excitedly, "Look-a-me, look-a-me Kurty! I in a bed!" It is then that I can see into the room and I see Kurt climbing on the bed rail to reach the fan. Vance trying to fit underneath the bed (adjacent to the dresser Kurt was climbing) and Ava, crawling into the bottom empty drawer (only the top has clothes in it- for this reason).
Just then, Bubba makes eye contact with me and scurries over to slam the door shut. He has this expression on his face that pierces my soul. I imagine it's the same we all wore at that age when we knew we were doing something we shouldn't and thought that a closed door may perhaps get us that much closer to our intended goal.
As I placed my hand on the doorknob, that's when I heard it. The loudest crash to date. My heart stopped. For a split second before I swung the door open, so many scenarios when through my mind. It could have been any number of catastrophes!
As I came in, all I saw were the boys and a fallen dresser. I couldn't see Ava, but boy could I hear her! I felt my stomach tighten as I braced myself for the possibilities of what I would find once I heaved that horrible thing off of her.
Thankfully it wasn't near as bad as it could be. Though seeing bloody tears (which turned out to be blood from her sore mixed with her tears) and a mouth full of blood, I was sure she was missing teeth. In one second I thought, "If she's crying that means she's alive. The cut doesn't look as deep as Kurt's when he needed stitches. At least it was her baby teeth if she loses them. She's lucky the dresser wasn't heavier. Where is my phone? How was this not worse? What would I do if it were worse? Thank you Heavenly Father for protecting my babies!"
After that I went into full Nurse-Mom mode. Administering bandaids and kisses, chocolate chips and bags of ice. Sore knees, bloody face and three very terrified miniature people.
Once I got her to stop crying, I surveyed the damage.
Again, how is this not so much worse???
Teeth all there. Bruised and bleeding lip, but everyone accounted for.
And this was her sweet face after nap. Only small amount of bruising and surprisingly her swollen lip going down.
Let us live to see another tomorrow.
When I think about all of the things that could go wrong (as I often do) it overwhelms me. When I choose instead to focus on all of the days the Lord gives us with our health and our families, it gives me just a small glimpse of eternity.
Tonight, in our prayers we're adding an extra one for gratitude.
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