Little Miracles

Miracle #1- These two
Miracle #2- They're nursing! Now if they can do it on their own for a complete 48 hrs, they can come home!

Miracle #3- No IVs, no oxygen.
Add all three together and you get a big kid crib!
I love to see them grumpy and then you lie them next to each other and all of a sudden, they're peaceful, quiet and content. They have their "Womb-Mate" back.

Adorable.

The last few days have been a whirlwind. I feel like a walking zombie (and I'm sure I resemble one too!) I had gone two days with going to the hospital every three hours. Here's a little bit about how my day goes:

8am- to the hospital.
Diaper, change heart rate monitor, check temp, feed, feed, feed (x2)

9am- pump, pump, pump

9:30 travel back home (this takes a while as it's pretty much a circus act watching me try to get in and out of this very large and high truck without hurting my incision).

10:00- play with the boy. Remind him that I am indeed his mother and not some stranger off the street.

10:30- get ready/travel back to the hospital (you'd think I'd get there early if I left early, wouldn't you?)

11:00- diaper, change heart rate monitor, check temp, feed, feed, feed (x2)

12:00 am- pump, pump, pump

12:30 pm- travel back home

1:00- play with the boy. Go to the park and remind myself that I am human and not a walking zombie.
1:30- get ready/travel back to the hospital

Keep going with this for feedings 5, 8, 11, 2 (am and pm)

Basically, I am either at the hospital, in the truck traveling to or from the hospital, or at home for a very limited amount of time. Today, it got to me. My feet are still swollen, I've broke out into a rash around my incision and my body is tired and hurts!

I was so tired of feeding and finding the babies too tired or too pooped to even try to feed. All during the night feedings, I'd work with each one for over 30 minutes and be lucky if they fed for 5 of those minutes.

I had a good talk with the head nurse, the doctor and the Pediatrician. All of them agreed that at 35 weeks, they're just too young to try and nurse each and every time (they still have the feeding tube but I'm hesitant to use it because they can't come home until they eat without it successfully for 48 hours). Right now they need to focus on resting and growing (Ava Dess has gone down to 4 & 1/2 lbs). On the way home I just cried and cried. My hopes of bringing them home soon dashed out the window.

After a long shower, and an even longer nap, I had a long time to sit and think.

I really am grateful for these little miracles in my life. Not just the twins, but the way the Lord works with me. He knows me much better than I know myself. Sure this is going to be hard. I look around at the other babies and families sharing the NICU, and immediately, I realized two things: 1) we are not as bad off as others around us. My heart goes out to some of these mothers that have had twins, only to take one home and leave one there. It just breaks my heart 2)This will be but a small moment and will soon pass.

One day we'll be looking back at this and marveling at how tiny they were, how hard it was to watch them with tubes and probes everywhere, and just how happy we were when we finally got to bring them home.

Until then, I just have to keep doing what I'm doing.
Taking care of myself,
Taking care of my family and taking good care of the little ones the Lord has entrusted me with.